Q. Arguments in Marriage are OK, and even beneficial. Why all this fuss about living in harmony?
A. Anger, frustration and depression, so often found in Marriages, relate to not getting one’s own way. This leads in turn to domination of one party over the other with attendant abuse and hurt, physical and psychological, both resulting in spiritual damage.
In Eph 4:26 God’s Word requires us to settle these issues right away, especially in Marriage. He has no support for sustained or prolonged animosity between His children.
Let’s reason this out. God made Man to be a son to Him, attending to his Father’s business, as the Lord Jesus epitomised in Lk 2:49. Then the Lord made Woman to be a helpmeet to Man in accomplishing God’s purposes. Similarly in the Church, the Body of Christ, men are given ministries to sow the seed of the revelation of God’s Word, Jesus, into the Church to accomplish the will of God. The ladies support and nourish the seed received, encouraging the believers to embrace God’s desires.
In the ideal model, men and women in Christ become blessed instruments of accomplishing the purposes of God. The reason why we don’t live in the perfect model, however, is that too many have lost sight of ‘why we are here’! We are here for God and what He wants. Our greatest joy is found in fulfilling His pleasure. But selfishness gets a grip on so many. People choose their own priorities which they have to fight for and defend all the way – and God’s will waits, ignored!
Only frustration, anger and hurt, sometimes eternal, can result!
The reason why Satan plays upon our own desires and wilfulness is more than to get us into a mess; it is to frustrate the will of God in and for our lives! Self-will derails God’s plans!
Thus God urges us to ‘be of one mind,’ ‘speak the same thing’, ‘keep the unity’, – see 1 Cor 1:10, 2 Cor 13:11, Eph 4:3, Phil 1:27, 1 Pet 3:8.
If we’re to have this kind of unity, it calls for submission – an ugly word to many. But God’s kind of submission is both beautiful and beneficial. Jesus demonstrated it; ‘Not My will, but Thine be done.’ Yes, it was painful, yes it was costly, but, Oh, the great and eternal weight of glory it gained for all who come to Him! He is our Good Example; He accomplished the Father’s will!
Submission in the home is good and beneficial. Yes husbands and wives submit to each other in terms of their respective roles of leadership and support. But they can only accomplish this bathed in the love of Christ and with the Father’s will as their common goal.
The same goes for the Church which, universally, has become infamous for its infightings and bickering – which all accomplish only Satan’s purposes. Where God’s unity prevails, based in His purposes, seeking the honour of His Son, real joy, real victory and real progress are in happy attendance. ‘I’ must die that Christ may live in me.
Arguments and disunity are NOT beneficial to anybody. They are destructive. Dear friend, I urge you to find Jesus as your Peace. When you see the beauty of God’s will, you’ll understand!