Q. My husband has become distant. How can I draw closer?
A. When a spouse is distant the partner often withdraws, creating an even bigger gap. Or else the partner may pester the spouse to open up and cause annoyance or even anger.
There is a reason for the distance; allow him to come to terms with it and tell you about it. Tell him that you know he is going through a difficulty of one kind or another and that you will stand by him and give him whatever support he needs.
Continue to serve him with genuine love and kindness.Remain close to him without being pushy. Prov 3:27 says, “Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.” Godly action will save you from closing yourself off. V34 promises that God will give you the grace, divine enablement, you need; and the next verse says that He will give you glory as you act in His wisdom.
While your husband withdraws from you, you will feel the lack of his love and intimacy that cannot be replaced by other friendships or activities. At this point you must keep your eyes on your Lord who has promised “He will save, He will rejoice over thee with joy,” Zeph 3:17. Keep trusting God’s power and goodness, especially His sustaining love for you. Strongly withstand those inevitable feelings of rejection and resentment, and resist looking to others, especially of the opposite sex, to fulfil your needs. Let God do it! He breached that great gulf between you and Himself; He can also bring you and your husband together! Entrust your husband to Him.
Marriage is the context for closeness and intimacy and when you don’t have the substance, you can feel more lonely and empty than when you were single! You can end up wondering whether your husband really loves you.
It will become necessary to tell him your feelings, but you don’t have to resort to the world’s tactics of manipulation, jealousy or rivalry. Operate only from the platform of love and faith. Tell him the truth in love, but affirm him and reassure him of your love and support. Avoid negative passions like anger and resentment, which are mostly born in unbelief. Eph 4:14-20 tells that when you do it God’s way, you can expect His blessing and positive growth.
Best of all, ask his permission to seek the loving guidance of your Church Elders.